Mexico Robbed by Robben.

Knockout  Round of 16

Holland   2               Mexico   1

Sneijder (88)                      Dos Santos (48)

Huntelaar (90 pen)

Costa Rica   1            Greece  1

Ruiz (52)                                Papastathopoulos (90)

Costa Rica win 5-3 on penalties

Arjen Robben admits to diving.  Shock, horror.  Although he doesn't admit to diving for the winning penalty where he dived and conned the ref.  Sometimes I wish players would just keep their big mouth's shut, we know you cheat Robben, we know you dive, but there is no need to admit to diving when you didn't and lie about when you did.  Twat!  

Anyway with the game coming to an end Mexico were one nil up and looking toward a place in the quarters, when all of a sudden a 3 minute turn around the French knocked the unlucky Mexican's out of the world cup, that must be worse than losing on penalties.  It's  heartbreak for Mexico after they, like many other unfancied teams have put up such a good show at this years tournament.  Holland looked as though were going to be beaten, not just by the Mexican's but ultimately by the 38 degree heat.  The Dutch didn't look their flowing footballing selves and the ridiculous heat must have been a major reason behind this.  Fair play to the Dutch though they did what very good football teams do, they found a way to win, and that is what wins you tournaments.

The Dutch will now play little Costa Rica after a man of the match performance from the goalkeeper Ramon Tikaram.  47 year old Tikaram normally known for his acting roles in Dream Team and This LIfe, put in a near Schmichaelesque type display, at times fending off the never say die Greeks on his own.  Tanita Tikaram's older brother pulled off a range of top class saves after the Costa Rican's were reduced to ten men.  Their backs were against the wall for nearly an hour of this game as 10 played 11.  It ended in a penalty shoot out after an extra time that saw players from both teams looking dead on their feet.  It was Tikaram who saved the day though as his penalty shootout save from Gekas set up Michael Umana to score the winning penalty.  The Costa Rican's had lead from the 52nd minute but just failed to hold on to full time when Greece scored another late equaliser, defender Sokratis, who was obviously named after the philosopher and not after the late great Brazilian chain smoking midfielder, who was named after the same philosopher, pounced on a Tikaram parry in the 92nd minute.  Tikaram made up for this slight mistake ten fold though and it is now a showdown with the mighty Dutch that await in the quarter finals on Saturday.

Tikaram was asked if their would be a twist in his sobriety after the game, he told the interviewer he would get absolutely fuck faced if they managed to get passed Holland.

Nevas, Schmichaelesque at times

Scumbag XI

After the controversy of the Suarez biting incident I have decided to pick 11 players who have either cheated or done something so outrageous it has seen their world cup end in disgrace.

1:  Harald Schumacher

In 1982 this West German goalkeeper so fit to rush out of his area and jump straight into onrushing Frenchman Patrick Battiston.  Schumacher had no intention of going for the ball and wiped out the  French defender, knocking out three teeth in the process.  Schumacher showed no remorse for his actions and didn't even receive a yellow card for this cynical,  pre-meditated filth of a challenge.

3:  Jose Batista

Our first Uruguyan.  Batista still holds the unwanted record of the fastest sending off in world cup history.  His dirty late challenge on little tiny Gordon Strachan after 56 seconds in a group game in Mexico 1986.   His team mates looked  stunned at the decision, as they acted hard done by and surrounded the referee.  It's nice to see that after nearly 30 years Uruguay's petulance has improved beyond recognition.

5: Frank Rijkaard

The Dutchman became Germany's number one hated person in 1990 when he was caught on camera spitting at Rudi Voeller, during their round of 16 knockout match.   The German's had their revenge though as they progressed through to the quarter finals at Holland's expense, after both teams had been reduced to ten men.
This incident will always be remembered and spitting isn't  and should not be excepted in football.
Frank Rijkaard is dirty little fucker and deserves his place in the heart of this scumbag XI defence.

6:  Slaven Bilic

Surprise choice for some, but Slaven Bilic is our first cheat in the scumbag XI.  In the semi final against France in 1998 a bit of argey bargey in the box ended with Bilic falling to the ground holding his face.  In the aftermath French defender Laurent Blanc was sent off for an elbow.  Television evidence went on to prove that Bilic had not been touched by Blanc and the Frenchman had been sent off unfairly.  Luckily for France they went on to win the game and the final itself after beating Brazil 3-0.

2:  Mauro Tassotti

Italian Tassotti is famous for elbowing Spain's Luis Enrique in the face and breaking his nose without the referee seeing the incident.  It was only after retrospective evidence that the defender got his come-uppence and received an 8 match ban.  Apparently Luis Enrique lost about a pint of blood after this incident in the 1994 world cup in USA.

 7: Christiano Ronaldo

There is no doubt that Ronaldo is a fantastic footballer, but the reason he is in this line up is not just for his winking episode with then team mate Wayne Rooney in 2006 but just because he is another one of these players who although they have undoubted talent and ability they still have to act like a spoilt little twat.  Feigning injury, always first to complain and his general hard done to demeanor means the greatest player in the world at the moment gets the nod or the wink.

8:  Zineine Zidane

The 2006 world cup final and the greatest player in the world in his last appearance for France, instead of showing the world what an amazing player he was on the biggest stage, he decides to completely lose the plot and headbutt Italian Marco Matarazzi in the chest.  It was one of those what the fuck moments!  A well respected football genius having a meltdown right in front of everyones eyes.  What should have been a celebration of a fantastic career ended in one of complete disgrace.

4:  Rivaldo

The most ridiculous member of this team.  When Turkish player Hakan Unsal kicked the ball toward Rivaldo and hit him in the leg  the Brazilian decided to hold his face and roll around on the floor subsequently getting the poor Turk sent off.  Rivaldo was later found guilty of feigning injury and rightly fined.

 10:  Diego Maradonna

The first player in this team that comes in with a double whammy of offences.  His hand of god goal against England in 1986 was cheating at it's very worse, but his disgraceful ejection from the 1994 world cup for testing positive for drugs ended his international career and makes Maradonna the rightful owner of the Scumbag XI number 10 and deserved wearer of the captains armband.

11:  Willie Johnston

This Scotsman has the unfortunate tag of being the first British player to be sent home from a world cup.  In 1978 after Scotland's disappointing first game defeat to Peru, Johnston was dope tested and found positive of having a banned stimulant in his system.  The Scotsman was sent home in disgrace but as if  to show solidarity his Scottish team- mates were shortly following behind after failing to reach the knockout stages yet again.  Johnston still denies any illegal drug taking and he says the only medication he used whilst in Argentina was for hayfever.

9:  Luis Suarez

No Scumbag XI can be complete without a scumbag striker.  Luis Saurez another double whammy, not content with a blatant handball in the last minute of a quarter final against Ghana in 2010 to stop a goal.  He decides in the latest world cup in Brazil that he would bite another human being, for the third time in his career.  It isn't so much the biting but the fact he shows no remorse for what he has done.  Ladies and Gentleman I give you the pitbull, the rabid dog himself  Luis "the scumbag" Suarez.


 

Happy Uruguay are out day!!!

Knockout  Round of 16

Brazil    1              Chile   1

Luiz (18)                          Alexis (32)

Brazil win 3-2 on penalties

Colombia   2               U R OUT   0

Rodriguez (29, 50)

The last 16 kicked off with a pulsating game between the hosts and a hard working, never say die Chile side.  Ultimately it was the Brazilians who came out on top, but not until 120 minutes of football had been played when the underdogs eventually succumbed to the heartbreak of the dreaded penalty shoot out.

It's hard luck for the Chileans who have been another team in this world cup along with the likes of Mexico, Coasta Rica and Colombia who have been like a breath of fresh air.  The Chileans never looked out of this contest and nearly shocked the world of football when a last minute shot from substitute Pinalla rattled the Brazilian crossbar with Cesar well beaten.  So it wasn't to be for Chile, but they can walk away from this world cup with their heads held high and with a few more fans around the world.  Brazil march on and really still haven't shown the sort of football that we have come to expect from the South American's.  Results are all that matter though in this game and Brazil become the first team through to the quarter finals.

In the quarter finals Brazil will now play Colombia, after they dumped Uruguay out of the last 16.  I think all the world other than Uruguay of course wanted to see this result and were supporting Colombia after the whole Suarez situation had left such a bitter taste in the world of footballs mouth.  Although Uruguay forced a few saves from Colombia's brilliant goalkeeper David Ospina, it was the Colombian's who were always in control.  Two goals from new tournament top goalscorer James Rodriguez, the first of which an absolute beauty was enough to deservedly knock Uruguay out and send the Colombians through to a last 8 meeting with the their fellow South Americans.  Although the Brazilians will be favourites, I can see this exciting Colombian team causing Brazil quite a lot of problems whether or not it will be enough to knock the 5 time champions out of their own competition remains to be seen.  one thing is for sure it will be Brazil's toughest test to date, and if they play as they did against Chile yesterday then I expect Rodriguez and company to do a number on them.

Colombia have come a long way since 1990 when they reached the last 16 only to be knocked out by 2 Roger Milla and his Cameroon side.  Back then they were slightly ill disciplined  and even more naive, their best player looked like Cleo Laine with moustache, and they had a goalkeeper who was a complete mentalist.

 

 

No longer are Colombia a laughing stock not only do they have a young goalscoring sensation and a very good goalkeeper but they have decent hard working players all over the pitch.  

As for Uruguay I noticed that their national anthem has an introduction.  All the players were standing in silence for thirty seconds before they started to sing, I thought it was an instrumental.  It was like they were in assembly at junior school and they were waiting for the music teacher to play the first verse on the piano before they started to sing.  At one point I thought it was the hymn "The earth is yours O' God " and was expecting the players to shout the bit that goes "you nouriSH IT with rain", just like I did when I was at school.  By the time it had finished I wished it had have been an instrumental.  Anyway Uruguay are out and now they can go back home and console their star player who they still see as a hero.

Good riddance, the world cup doesn't need your shit!!! 

Group of Death for Portugal and Ghana.

Group   G

Portugal   2                 Ghana  1

Boyyyyyyyyy  (30 og)              Gyan (57)

Ronaldo (80)

USA   0                  Germany   1

                                       Muller (55)


After Ghana sent home two of their players for a training ground bust up, the African team were quickly joining them on the plane home.  Ronaldo got his world cup goal, but not even he could pull this sorry lot through to the next the round.  Germany ran out 1-0 winners against the States and luckily for Jurgen Klinsmann the two other teams in this group just didn't have enough to displace them as runners up in a group, that most people were calling the group of death.

Group   H

South  Korea  0        Belgium  1

                                           Vertonghan (78)

Algeria     1                 Russia  1

Silimani  (60)                           Kokorin (6)

Harry Redknapp was absolutely ecstatic last night after Algeria and their

"triffic" striker Silimani got the point they needed to make their way to knockout stages of the world cup.

Islam Silmani, he scores when he wants!

I had noticed earlier on in the night that the flat opposite me had an Algerian flag hanging off their balcony.  I can neither confirm or deny that a Range Rover pulled up outside the flats, or that a craggy faced 60 something man entered the flats just before kick off.  Nor can I deny or confirm that at the final whistle an Englishman surrounded by jubilant Algerians were jumping up and down on the balcony shouting "luvverley jubberley " and "triffic".

It was a bit like De Ja Vue for Fabio Crapello though, with 30 minutes to go in the game they would just need a goal to win it what does Fabio do, you guessed it.  Emile get your boots on son.

Go out there and get me a goal, golden boots.

In fact I was watching this game, cheering on the Algerians and he didn't do anything, and I am afraid to say Crapello and his Russians deserved everything they got which ended up being a first round knockout.

Belgium are steadily going along in this tournament and they are doing just enough, and you have got to say with the talent they have in this squad they could go all the way.

Last word on the Suarez ban, is it fair or is it harsh.  For me it was a bit like England's performance in the 2014 world cup.  I was hoping for a little bit more.

Diego Maradonna has had his say on the Saurez ban and he thinks the player has been treated unfairly and he defends the little Uraguyan.  This is why Maradonna will never be seen as the greatest player in the world ever, oh and he was a little fat cheating, horrible, moaning fat bastard.  I'm not bitter!!
And Suarez's own grandmother as spoke out and said that she thinks FIFA have treated her grandson like a dog.  That is probably because HE FUCKING ACTS LIKE A DOG LUV!  I shouted that just in case his Grandmama was a little hard of hearing.  What will he do next take a shit on the football pitch.

I think the boy Lineker might have shit himself Brian!

Jurgen says: People of America, have a day off.

Group    E

Ecuador    0          France    0

Honduras   0            Switzerland  3

                                          Shaqiri (6, 31, 71)


Although Ecuador put up a bit of a fight, and Honduras did most of their fighting on the pitch, there were no real surprises in this group as the 2 favourites topped the group[ and made it easily through to the next stage.  My new favourite team France made a few changes and showed that they really need to play their first eleven to have any chance of success this time round.  Switzerland thumped Ecuador with with  3 goals from Colombian arse shaking singing star Shaqira, her hat trick was the 50th hat trick in the world cup.

Shakira, 50th hat trick in world cup history.  Her hips don't lie.

Group   F

Bosnia   3               Iran    1

Dzeko (23)                      Goochi, Gooooch, Gooochinard.  Reza (82)

Pjanic (59)

Vrsajevic (83)

Nigeria  2              Argentina   3

Musa (4, 47)                   Messi (3, 45)

                                       Rojo (50)

Ok, I admit Messi is starting to look good in this tournament but what is the goalie doing for the free-kick?  

I feel a bit sorry for the Iranians after their last minute defeat to Argentina, but they didn't do enough at the end of the day, and Bosnia rolled them over. 

 Nigeria are the first African team to get through to the second phase and  I wonder if Harry Redknapp's favourite new team Algeria will be joining them, as I can't for the life of me see Ghana getting through, even if they beat Ronaldo.   Germany and USA will surely play out a draw, won't they?  

Apparently USA, USA, USA, GET IN THE HOLE manager Jurgen "the German" Klinsmann has told the American public to have a day off  to support and get behind their team as they aim to beat Germany and top the group.  I would be very surprised  if anybody in America even know's there is a world cup in soccer even going on.   Anyone who does take a day off though will use the excuse that Jurgen Klinsmann told them to, and will no doubt sue the German if they end up getting the sack from their job for not bothering to show up.   I really can't believe Jurgen is going to try and beat Germany, if it all goes tits up and USA end up losing this and Ghana end up winning against Portugal by a good few goals, then Klinsmann is going to look a right prick.  

Germany and USA to go through for me.  

So bye, bye Ronaldo.

Falcao who? Colombia march on.

Group   C

Greece   2          Ivory Coast   1

Samaris (42)               Bony (74)

Samaras (90 pen)

Japan   1              Colombia  4

Okazaki (45)                 Cuadrado (17 pen)

                                      Martinez (55,82)

                                       Rodriguez (89)

Not many would have had Greece and Colombia as winners and runners up in this group, but Colombia have been brilliant in this world cup so far scoring 9 goals in the process.  As for Greece their over defensive football saw them through against an Ivory Coast side who just didn't turn up on the night.  The Greek SAS, Samaris and Samaras scored the goals that booked the Greeks place in the second round.  Pele, the greatest player ever to kick a football, once stated that an African nation would win the world cup by the year 2000, obviously that hasn't happened and with only Cameroon in 1990 reaching the quarter final stage, and four years ago when Ghana were denied a semi final place by the hand of rabid dog, it doesn't look as if that will happen anytime soon.

Hey Bobby, an African team will win the world cup by the year 2000.

Group  D

Costa  Rica   0       England   0

Italy       0                   Uruguay   1

                                             Godin (81)

Uruguay booked their place in the second round for a showdown with fellow South American rivals Colombia.  There is no point going into the biggest talking point of this game, only to say if any person in any other walk of life bites someone else once, they would get sacked and or arrested, but for someone to do it 3 times is just truly unbelievable.  Saurez and the Uruguayan team should be embarrassed by their actions, and I for one hope Colombia absolutely batter them in the last 16.

As for England they came out of their last game with an emphatic 0-0 draw with the mighty Costa Rica.  I now know what it must be like to be Scottish fan.  For the first time ever since I have been watching England we have finished bottom of the group and not qualified for the second round.

Italy for me have been a poor team and even leading up to this tournament I thought they would not get out of this group, and I was proven right,  I did however think England would do much better, but unfortunately we are coming home with one point and 2 goals, and bottom of the table.  Disappointing.

.

24/6/1990

Knockout round last 16

West  Germany  2             Holland   1

Klinsmann  (51)                             R Koeman (89 pen)

Brehme  (82)

24 years ago today a game took place in Italia 90 that won't be remembered for a fantastic goal or by a match winning save.  It will long be remembered as the day that Holland's Frank Rijkaard sniffed as hard as he could and summoned up a massive greenie which he finally propelled into the German striker Ruddi Voeller's 1980's curly mullett.  

It is one of those moments in football, that you never forget, no matter how much you try to.

The Dutch lost this game and the German's went on to lift the trophy after they had beaten England in the semi finals on penalties.

The thing that I most remember about this incident though was the interview after the game that ITV had with the Then Ireland manager Jack Charlton.  I think it might have been Elton Welsby who asked Big Jack "what did you make of the spitting incident, Big Jack?" to which he replied.  "Absolutely disgusting Jim,  I tell you one thing though, if he hadder dunnit to me, I woulda chinned him.

Big Jack woulda chinned him.

Mexico and Chile look forward as England prepare for friendly

Group   A

Cameroon   1              Brazil    4

Matip (26)                             Neymar (17, 34)

                                              Fred (49)

                                              Fernandinho (84)

Croatia        1              Mexico    3

Persic  (87)                             Marquez (73)

                                               Guardado (75)

                                               Hernandez (82)

Brazil and Mexico finish Group A as winners and runners up respectively, as Count Kovac's Croatia and the hapless Cameroon are off this morning to catch the plane home.  Kovac will obviously be shipped out encased in an air tight box as not to be exposed to direct sunlight, either that or he will just take a later flight undercover of darkness. MOOWHAAHAHAHA!

Group   B

Australia   0             Spain     3

                                          Villa (36)

                                           Torres (69)

                                           Mata (82)

Holland     2               Chile    0

Fer (77)

Memphis (90)

Spain finally won a game in a major tournament for the first time in what 3 games?  A 3-0 victory meant plucky Australia finished bottom of the pile in Group B.  Holland top the group and Chile will now play Brazil in the next round after a very creditable second place finish.  The scorer of the Dutch 2nd goal is actually Depay, but he has the nickname Memphis because of his love of the character in the film Happy Feet of the same name.  

If you have never seen the film Happy Feet, don't bother it's crap.

Tonight England play in one of their favourite type of games, a meaningless friendly against Costa Rica.  Roy has decided that it is time to blood some of the youngsters and drop some of the old guard, and give Frank Lampard the captains armband for what will almost certainly be his last ever England game.   With the defence he is playing tonight I can see us losing about 3-0 and Roy Hodgeson will be the only English manager whose team has come out pointless at a world cup.  I will obviously watch it though because I couldn't give a shit who wins between Italy and Uruguay.

Tim's not mad

Group   G

USA   2                Portugal   2

Jones J (64)                   Nani (5)

Dempsey (81)                Varela (90)

A last minute pinpoint cross from Ronaldo set up a Varela  header, that kept Portugal in this world cup by the skin of their teeth.  This means that Germany will have to play USA in the final game.  That is USA managed by Jurgen Klinnsman, Jurgen the German both teams need a draw to progress, I wonder if we will see these two play out a stalemate.  It would be totally unprofessional by both teams and extremely hard on Ghana in particular, if they manage to beat Portugal, but we all know the Germans have previous.  As for the game it was quite exciting, but Tim "tourettes" Howard must have been effing and Jeffing like a sailor at his defence when that last minute header went in.  The cameras did turn to Howard as he trudged off the pitch but quickly turned off him when he started muttering to himself, rumours that Howard was sitting in the dressing room after the game howling and calling all his team mates big nose are as yet unconfirmed.

Group   H  

Belgium    1                Russia   0

Origi (88)

Two below average performances for Belgium and two victories, everybody's dark horses are doing a job, at times they are riding their luck but the are now guaranteed a place in the knockout stages.  Who know's how far they can go but surely they will improve as the tournament moves along, if that is the case then they may proove to be a tough team to beat.  The commentator shouted "its the 19 year old, Divock Origi" when Belgium scored.  It reminded me of when Northern Ireland played in the world cup in 1982 and every time Norman Whiteside got the ball John Motson would shout "it's the seventeen year old, Whiteside".  To be fair this didn't just happen in the world cup it happened in every game Norman Whiteside played for Manchester United when he was 17.

South Korea   2                      Algeria   4

Son (50)                                              Silmani (26)

Koo (72)                                              Halliche (28)

                                                            Djabou (37)

                                                            Brahimi (62)

Probably the best game of the world cup so far, it had goals, skill and lots of passion, especially from the 

Algerians.  Algeria's 4th goal was a great team move, great passing and fine finish.  I can imagine Premier league managers looking at this Algerian team and thinking their a bit of alright.  Obviously I'm talking about Harry Redknapp, I reckon Harry was watching that last night and will be sending Joe Jordan on the first plane possible to Brazil.  Don't be surprised if QPR bring in a few Algerians this season.  Silimani is what Harry would call a "triffic player".  Watch this space.

Yes Jeff, I'm driving to Brazil to buy some Algerians.

 

English pride!!!

A lot has been said about England and their lack of passion and pride when they pull on an England shirt.  It seems to a lot of people that the current crop of England stars work harder, play better and seem to give a lot more for their respected clubs than they ever do for their country.  As an outsider looking in this could be seen to be the case.  However I just don't think we are good enough, although I do think that unfortunately these days your club does come first, mainly because of the high wages these players are paid.  The thing is years ago it was seen as a privilege to play for you country, maybe nowadays for some it is more of a necessary job that comes with being a professional footballer.  I hope this is not the case, but will we ever really know one way or another.

With this argument in mind I have decided to pick an England 11 based on players since 1990 who have played for their country and have been literally dripping with pride.

1:  Peter Shilton  GK
Although from another era Shilts is the only choice as the number 1.
He still to this day loses sleep over Maradonna's hand of god goal in 1986.  Played in 3 world cups and didn't disgrace himself in any of them, as long as you don't count his moment of madness in the 3rd/4th place play off in 1990 against Italy.

2:   Gary Neville  RB
A man who has never been afraid to show his passion for either his club or his country.  Some people may not like him because of who he is, but even now in his role in the modern England set up as part of the coaching staff, you can see him kicking every ball on the sidelines, wishing he was still in the thick of it on the pitch.

6:  Terry Butcher  CB
Just look at the picture on the left and tell me this man has no pride.
This man is not just full of passion and pride he is an absolute maniac.
A man that doesn't let a little thing like having half your head falling off stop you completing 90 minutes for your country.  Just look at his eyes, he probably loved it.

5:  Tony Adams   CB
Adams had his critics over the years, but what England would give for a defender like him nowadays.  Not just a stopper but this bloke could play a bit as well.  Oh and another thing if you ever get a chance to see any games in Euro 96, just have a look at how loud this man is belting out the national anthem.

3:  Stuart Pearce  LB
Psycho.  The nickname says it all.  The way Pearce came back from the pain of the penalty miss against Germany in 1990 and the disappointment of not qualifying for the world cup in 1994, to step up and bang home a penalty versus Spain at Euro 96 shows the character of this man.  Seeing him shouting and screaming after that converted penalty still gives me goose bumps.

4:  Paul Ince   CDM
Here is a type player we haven't had for many a year now, a player that does all the dirty stuff in midfield but also instinctively knows when it's time to go forward.  Love him or hate him there can be no question that when the Gov'ner put on the three lions he would only ever give 100%.

8:  Bryan Robson  CM
Captain marvel or captain fantastic, call him what you will but you knew what you would get from this box to box midfielder when he wore that England shirt.  My memories of  always seemed to be of him being walked of the pitch with his arm in a sling.  Injuries aside he was a real leader and he lead by example.  A real battler who would always nick a goal or two.

10: Paul Gascoigne  CAM
What can you say about Gazza that hasn't already been said a million times over.  This bloke would give his left bollock to play for England, and if that weren't good enough he would give you someone elses too.
His tears were there for all to see, as was his passion every time he played football, whether it was for England or just a kick about in his back garden.  The most gifted and exciting player England have produced in my lifetime.  Just Gazza.

7:  David Beckham  RW
After France in 1998 David Beckham would have been the last name considered for this team, but as we all know after the 2-2 draw with Greece in 2001 where |Beckham took on the Greeks seemingly all by himself and dragged us through to the world cup finals in 2002, how can he not be in it.

11:  Chris Waddle  LW
This was the hardest position to pick for on the pitch, not only have we never really been gifted with great wide players, but a wide player with passion?  Waddle was heartbroken after that penalty, and unfortunately for him he never had the chance to redeem himself as Stuart Pearce did in 1996.  If he had of had the chance I am sure his celebration would have been just as powerful as Psycho's.

9:  Gary Lineker  ST
Gary Lineker got his debut for England as a player who played for an unfashionable team Leicester City.  I don't think anyone can dispute his passion whenever he turned out for England.  Even now as a presenter he still shows the same passion as a supporter and you can see his disappointment every tournament when England fail to deliver yet again.
Maybe in the future we will get another prolific striker from another unfashionable club, who plays football just because he loves scoring goals.





That's my eleven and I am sure you will agree that if that team took the field in this tournament, there wouldn't be any question about pride or passion.

I would like to mention as well David Platt and Peter Beardsley who I also believe would get into this team.

Shearer and Scholes in my book retired to young from international football, and although they obviously had pride and passion, there decision to choose club over country means they don't get in.

Klose than close.

Group  F

Argentina  1        Iran   0

Messi (90)

Iran can count themselves very unfortunate to walk away from this game with absolutely nothing.  It could have been so different if the referee had given the Iranians a stonewall penalty in the second half, but no, yet again the official who was so far behind play doesn't give it.  The biggest tournament in the world and FIFA think it right to have referees and assistants who are not good enough to ref and assist over Wanstead flats on a Sunday morning.  But then again its not about football for FIFA is it, that's why the 2022 world cup is in a fucking desert.  

Any way back to the game and Iran don't get a creditable draw which their performance at least deserved, instead little Lionel Messi does one thing in the whole game deep into stoppage time and gives this average Argentina side all 3 points, with what has to be said was a very good finish.  That's football, when you have a player up against you like Messi you cannot switch off at any time, because he just doesn't and that is what's  keeping Argentina in this tournament.  Big players win you world cups and Argentina have one of the biggest if not the biggest name in world football in him, Uruguay have it in Suarez  and Portugal have it in Ronaldo, a player like Roy Race from Roy of the Rovers, a player who can do nothing for 89 minutes and then one piece of magic in the last minute wins the game, although every time Roy Race got the ball  you thought he would pull out a Racey's rocket.

So Argentina will progress to the knockout stages without playing particularly well in both games, as for Iran they will now have to beat Bosnia and hope Argentina can beat Nigeria in their final game to give them any chance of getting through.

Group  F  

Nigeria  1         Bosnia    0

Odemwingie (29)

Peter Odemwingie's first half strike was enough to put Edin Dzeko's Bosnia out of the world cup.   The Nigerian's were deserved winners, although Bosnia did have a goal chalked off wrongfully for off side when the game was at 0-0, yet another piss poor decision from the officials.   

Group   G

Germany  2          Ghana  2

Gotze (51)                        Ayew A (54)

Klose (71)                        Gyan (63)

The first half of this game nearly sent me to sleep, but a pulsating second half full of incident saved me from an early night.  Ghana could and probably should have won this game but you always know that Germany never give up.  You could be 3-0 up against them with ten minutes remaining and you would still be thinking they are not out of it yet.  Germany are one of the most hard working teams left in this competition and their resilience and team work will be the major component that pushes this well oiled machine through to the knockout stages and maybe all the way to the final.  

Ghana will now have to rely on Portugal beating USA later today and hope that they can beat Portugal in their last game to stand any chance of getting through.  I can see Portugal losing today and joining England and Spain on the plane next week, in-turn taking the hard working black stars with them.

So tonight sees Portugal take on USA, so will we see a winking wanker and a Portugal win or will we hear USA, USA, USA, GET IN THE HOLE, and see a big crying baby.  I'm hoping for the latter but I might put my ear plugs in!!!

Bye Bye England, Bonjour France!!

Group     D

Italy        0                 Costa Rica   1

                                           Ruiz (44)

England's slim hopes of remaining in the world cup came to an abrupt end, thanks in part to a brilliant display from Costa Rica.  Hang on a minute Costa Rica, yep that's right, the so called whipping boys of group D have gone and done a number on the big boys in the group and deservedly sit atop the table.  The Costa Ricans had come into the competition with everybody expecting them to finish bottom of the group, and they turn up with a game plan and perfect tactics for playing against Italy, Uruguay and England.  The tactics were to get at them and stop them dominating and using their strengths, and they can play a bit as well.  I, like many thought the 3-1 win against Uruguay may have been a bit of a fluke, but now after watching this game it is obvious Costa Rica knew exactly what they were doing, it's just a shame that England, who were fully aware of the strengths of the other teams in the group, didn't feel the need to employ a game plan in their games against Uruguay and Italy.  So congratulations to Costa Rica on their qualification to the knockout rounds and good luck in the rest of the tournament.  

For Uruguay and Italy it is a winner takes all shoot out on Tuesday,  and one I think Uruguay will win either by hook or by crook, because lets be honest that's how they do things.  I thought from the start that Italy were a tiring team and wouldn't qualify, but obviously I thought England would have played better.  Uruguay are not  a great team though themselves, Suarez is really their only major weapon as he showed against us.  As for England they will also play on Tuesday against  Cost Rica in what basically is a dead rubber, although the Costa Rican's will be looking to continue their winning run and confirm themselves as group winners.  Roy Hodgeson will no doubt make changes, more likely in personnel more than in formation.  Expect to see Lampard get a sympathetic start probably in place of Gerrard, there may be other changes but it will all be irrelevant when Costa Rica show us and the world how to play and win against a 3rd world footballing nation.

Group  E

Switzerland   2                France  5

Dzemaili (81)                                Giroud (17)

Xhaka (87)                                   Matuidi (18)

                                                     Valbuena (40)

                                                     Benzema (67)

                                                     Sissoko (73)

I have never been a been a big fan of the French and have to admit that I have taken  a bit of joy in their downfalls over the years, but after their first two games France are the team that have impressed me most.  This French version of nice controlled bop it about attacking football has had me jump out of my seat more than any other team in the competition.  France look very good, maybe a bit loose at the back, but with their smooth attacking play they look like scoring every time they come forward.  Yesterday they scored 5 with 5 different scorers, missed a penalty and somehow the subsequent rebound and had a goal chalked off at the end just after the referee had blown his whistle for full time.  If they can keep up this football throughout the tournament and against some of the so called bigger teams they could go very far.  If they win their group then it will be Bosnia or Nigeria or Iran in the next round and then onto a possible quarter final showdown with Germany.  That certainly is a mouthwatering prospect.  The way France play at the moment reminds very much of the side of the early to mid 80's with the likes of Platini, Girresse, Tresor, Tiganna and Fernandez.  I hope they can keep this going as amazingly I look forward to watching France get better and better.

I think England going out has done something weird to my brain.

Group    E

Honduras   1                 Ecuador   2

Costly (31)                               Valencia E (34,65)

A win for Ecuador in this battle of the underdogs has given them an outside chance of progressing to the knockout phase.  Enner Valencia's 2nd and 3rd goals of the tournament has given them a lifeline, although they would probably need a positive result in their last game against the so far unstoppable French and hope at the same time Honduras can pull off an unlikely win against Switzerland.  Looks like Ecuador will be on the plane home on Thursday then.   

Its the best I could do with what was available.

Group   C

Colombia  2               Ivory Coast  1

Rodriguez (64)                     Gervinho (73)

Quintero (70)

Looks like these two teams are going to top the group, and Colombia will play the runners up in England's group.

Group   C

Japan   0               Greece  0

Nothing to see here.   Move along please.

Group   D

Louis Suarez  2        England   1

Suarez (39, 85)                   Rooney (75)

Right, I have been thinking all night and all morning how to approach this, I went for a walk and tried to turn it over in my head.  Do I go with the positives or do I go with the old fashioned, we are not good enough rant.  There is still a positive to take from this, and the main one  is how on earth are we still in this competition when we have lost both our opening games.  In a way we are lucky that we are in the group we are in.  As for all the permutations about how we can still get through, that don't matter, whether or not Italy win their two remaining games that don't matter.  We have got to go into the last game against Costa Rica and beat them.  Not just beat them by a scrappy 1-0, but absolutely batter them 4 or 5.  I would like to think that Italy have enough about them to beat Costa Rica tonight, and if they beat them convincingly then who knows. after all its not like the goal difference is unassailable.  Even if Italy don't do us a favour, we have to go out of this competition as winners of our final match, and convincing winners at that.  It don't matter if it's not enough at the end of the day, although some people might say if we do win well in our last game, why didn't we do that in the first place.  I simply say to those people surely it's better to do at some point than not do it at all.   On the other hand if we just turn up and go through the motions then it will be just the same old England , going out with a whimper, just like in 2010.

Anyway I shall be watching Italy tonight with my fingers crossed and hoping we get one more shot.  If not,  well it would have been another disappointing showing in a world cup our worst though, worryingly since 1958.  

Oh and one final positive, at least we don't have Steve McClaren as our manager.  YAAY!!

It must be terrible to be known as England's worst ever manager.  He is even below Cappello and a man who now throw's cider over himself for a living, Graham Taylor. 

Steve McClaren was the luckiest England manager there has ever been.  He only got the job because Scolari didn't take it., despite the FA trying to convince us that he was their man.  When we lost our penultimate game in qualifying against Russia for the 2008 Euros it looked all over, but then a strange twist of fate, an unlikely result amazingly put qualification back in England's and big Mac's hands.  We only needed to draw against Croatia to qualify.  McClaren had said after the Russia defeat that there were still some twists and turns and all though it wasn't in his hands at that point he was still confident.  He was right and weren't he  smug about it afterwards  Not at the final whistle versus Croatia he wasn't though standing in the pissing down rain with his umbrella whilst his team manages to lose.  McClaren was given a lifeline and he still couldn't make it work.  

Lets hope if Italy give us a lifeline tonight we don't do a McClaren with it, and it don't rain on Tuesday and Hodgeson doesn't come out holding a fucking umbrella.

Come on Italy!!!!

Cameroon memories.

Group   A

Cameroon   0           Croatia   4

                                          Olic (11)

                                          Perisic (48)

                                          Mandzukic (61, 73)

Cameroon bowed out of the tournament last night after an absolute demolition at the hands  Count Kovac's Croatia.  Croatia had their main striker Mandzukic back and he helped the Croatians on their way with with a second half brace.  Cameroon looked a sorry state. A first half sending off for Alex Song after some sort of attempted elbow made it even harder for the Africans to stay in the competition.  Croatia played well and took their chances, whereas the Cameroon showed very little in attack and ended up fighting amongst each other as the game and their own world cup hopes drew to an uninspiring end.

Its a shame that Cameroon are not the team they used to be. 

 Back in 1990 I had the pleasure of meeting a load of Cameroon fans in Naples.  Me and my mates had been staying in Cagliari to watch the England group games which had all been based there.  Cagliari is on an island off of the mainland.  With England qualifying for the knock out stage our next game was to be in Bologna which was right near the top of the country.  We decided we would get there the cheapest way possible which happened to be by ferry.  There were many ports we could dock in but we decided again mostly due to money issues that we would get the ferry to Naples.  

It was a couple of days before the England game was kicking off in Bologna and it would take ages to travel up there, so when we arrived in Naples at around midday we had already decided we were going to spend the day there.  The first thing we noticed as we entered the city was that it was full of Cameroon supporters, most of them in their shirts, blowing whistles and banging drums.  Their second round game was against Colombia which was being played in the San Paolo stadium at 5 pm.  We had had a few beers on the ferry over and we decided we would join the Cameroon and have a few drinks with them.   We got bollocksed, the blokes we were drinking with were on Guinness and Rum, I didn't fancy beer so I was on Pernod and black.  

About 3 o'clock most of the supporters started to leave, they were off to the stadium, anyway as everyone started leaving I managed to lose my mates and after a while I was left lost in the middle of Naples without a clue where I was.  I went back to the bar and couldn't find them anywhere, but just as I was about to get disconsolate, I saw something under the foot of one of the bar stools, on closer inspection I saw it was a ticket for that evenings game .  Fuck it I thought in for a penny, in for a pound.and off I went to the San Paolo stadium to watch Cameroon and Colombia.

After getting in the ground I soon realised I stuck out like a sore thumb.  There I was with my England shirt on bang in the middle of all these Cameroon supporters, I was a little tiny white speck in a massive sea of green.  What an atmosphere though, it was brilliant, the bloke next to me had a hip flask with some sort of alcohol in it which he kept sharing with me, I was already off my tits so by the time it got to kick off I had no clue.  It wasn't a great game but as I said the noise and party atmosphere made up for what was happening on the pitch, at one point someone put the drum round my neck and I was playing away as happy as Larry.

The game ended 0-0 in normal time and went in to extra time.  I was having such a good time and didn't want the game to end, I so wanted Cameroon to win.  Then in the first minute of the second half of extra time Samba dancing 48 year old Roger Milla gave Cameroon the lead, the place went mental I was jumping up and down, people were picking me up, it was unbelievable, then 3 minutes later as the crowd calmed down a bit, Colombian goalkeeper Rene Higuita came out of his area and started fucking about with the ball deep in his own half, Roger Milla promptly took the ball off him and ran towards an empty goal, as he ran the crowd began to lift of its feet, as they lifted  I was lifted high in the air, until finally Milla slots the ball into the net.  Its 2-0 to Cameroon and in the celebrations I have ended up on the pitch right near the corner flag Roger Milla is heading towards.  I don't really remember anything else as I was chucked out for being on the pitch. 

Colombia pulled a goal back but Cameroon won the game and met England in the quarter final.

Happy days, happy days indeed.

Unlucky Australia, Unrecognisable Spain

Group   B

Australia    2            Holland   3

Cahill (21)                          Robben (20)

Jedinak (64pen)                  Van Persie (58)

                                           Memphis (68)

Cahill scores the goal of the tournament so far , picks up a second booking which puts him out of the final group game and then his team lose and have to make an early exit out of the finals.  Fantastic effort form the Ozzy underdogs, but the free scoring, we are going to score one more than you attitude of the Dutch was just too much for them in the end.  The Dutch have started this world cup brilliantly and their front two have 3 goals each in only two games, but as we have seen in the past, just because a team starts well well it doesn't necessarily mean that they go on and win it, but after such a good start they are certainly in with a shout.

Group    B

 Spain   0               Chile   2

                                       Vargas (20)

                                       Araanguiz (43)

An unexpected early exit for the World champions and a fantastic performance from Chile, who are starting to get noticed in this world cup.  The Chileans are a super fit side and will cause any team left in this competition major problems in the knockout rounds.

As for Spain...

For the world and European champions it is the end of their reign

The fans will leave early with their hopes down the drain

It became obvious against Chile that there would be more pain

as their ticcy taccy football was played in vain

At times in this game it looked like a strain

And look they looked like the little lost boy who lives down the lane

Ill think they will lose the last game Australia to inflict more pain

And as Cypress Hill said "I love you Mary Jane

Anyway got a go cos my shed needs a stain

Fuck that, I'm watching Escape to victory with Michael Caine

Adios

Iker Casillas?
Ike and Tina Turner more like.

Is it all in the name?

Group  H

Belgium      2                Algeria    1

Fellani (70)                           Feghouli (25pen)

Mertens (80)

Many peoples dark horses Belgium finally got their world cup underway.  A lacklustre first half performance saw the Belgians fall behind to a 25th minute penalty.  Second half and a couple of changes in personnel and system paid dividends, and Belgium's direct play meant the turned this game around to take all three points.  

Group   H

Russia    1                       South Korea   1

Kerzhakov (74)                         Lee KH (68)

This was a cautious game between two cautious teams, Korea were probably the more adventurous of the two and took the lead, when a long range shot was thrown into his own net by the Russian keeper.  Russia clawed one back a few minutes later as this game turned out to be the second most boring game of the tournament so far, only Iran and Nigeria's nil-niller is above this in the shit game charts.

Group   A

Brazil   0              Mexico   0

Although this was a goalless draw, there was quite a bit of action, notably from the Mexican goalkeeper who put in a man of the match performance by stopping chance after Brazil chance with any part of his body he could.  Brazil had most of the chances but Mexico held their own in what was quite an entertaining game. 

Brazil have started this world cup quite slowly, some might say it is a lot to do with the pressure they are under as firm favourites to lift the trophy and also with the competition being in their own back yard.  I personally think its a lot more straight forward than all that.  In the past just the names of the Brazilian players would strike the fear of god into the opposition.  With the exception of maybe Neymar and Hulk, which names can possibly live up to such awe inspiring names of the past like Zico, Socrates, Junior and Falcao.  Not to mention Pele, Garrancha, Jarzinho, Ronaldo and Ronaldinho.  When they look to the bench to bring on a new face, they can't bring on a name like Careca, Bebeto or Romario.  Instead off comes Oscar, Fred and Jo, to be replaced by who?   Bernard, Sid and Bill?  

Not so much the Boys from Brazil, more like Carry on up the Redeemer, starring Harry H Christ!!

I am sure they will improve as the tournament goes on, and after all they are still unbeaten and only have conceded 1 goal so I still expect them to win this group comfortably.  Second place in this group is not going to be so easy though, with Mexico looking strong and Count Kovac's Croatia only having to overcome a hapless Cameroon tonight, it should leave the final game between Croatia and Mexico as an all or nothing, winner takes all shootout for second spot.  Could be a right Humdinger!  

Pepe Le Prick

Group G

Germany   4    Portugal   0

Muller(12pen, 

45, 78)

Hummells (32)

It's hard enough trying to beat a team like Germany when your 2 nil down with 11 men, let alone when your down to 10.  Pepe's sending off may of ruined any chance of Portugal getting through the group stage. Portugal are already seen by some as a 1 man team, and I have to admit there wasn't a lot of quality anywhere else on the pitch yesterday for the Portuguese.  Ronaldo was very quiet and only managed one decent free-kick, and a shot on target very early in the first half.  As for the sending off , Muller made a lot of it to begin with by rolling around on the floor, holding his face like someone had hit him with a baseball bat, but when Pepe leant towards him and nutted the German whilst he was on the ground it was just ludicrous, and he rightly got his marching orders.  As he trudged off the pitch, I decided to translate Pepe to English on my phone and no surprises it comes up as Bell-end!!!

Group G

Ghana  1               USA  2

Ayew A (82)                  Dempsey (1)

                                       Brooks (86)

An Early goal from 48 year old Dempsey gave USA the lead in this one, a lead they managed to hold onto until the 82nd minute, when one of the Ayew brothers pulled back an equaliser for the black stars.  A thunderous header for Johnny Brooks III (twice removed) made sure of the points for the Americans.  This was a big shock to me as I had USA finishing bottom of this group, but now after Portugal's heavy defeat this win could well propel the Yankeedoodledoo's into the knockout rounds.  Good luck to them but I sort of hope they don't go through, only because I don't want to have to put up with interviews with their over excited fans shouting USA, USA, USA, USA, USA all over the fucking place.  

Belgium kick off later today, and this is a team I have been looking forward to seeing.  Also in the same group, Group H, Fabio Cappello starts his campaign with Russia  against South Korea.  I wonder if Cappello will go 4-1 down in this game and bring on Emile Heskey to try and turn it round.

With Brazil kicking off their second game today, it means the first round of games are coming to the end. Things that have pleased me so far with the tournament are the amount of big names from each team who have turned up this time around, also the lack of draws has been good, and we have seen plenty of goals.  

So all in all its been a good start, lets hope that this continues, and of course that England can turn it round against Uruguay on Thursday.

Come on England!!!